The Becoming Blueprint

How have you been managing burnout over the last year? 

Reading the headlines from the New York Times this week on record levels of burnout and struggle around the globe as we come into 2021, my thought was simply: ugh. 

And yes. A new calendar page helps to signal to our brains and rational-selves the passing of time, but it doesn’t help with how it feels when the context around us looks remarkably like yesterday (or for many folks, even harder than yesterday). 

My mind was blown by the insightful and useful work by Drs. Emily and Amelia Nagosaki on “burnout." It has fundamentally changed the way I’m structuring my days and my own habits around managing stress. 

Their fabulous new book, Burnout, details what exhaustion, depletion, overwhelm, and hopelessness do to us internally, and how to intervene in a way that actually helps, and gives us back a sense of having our feet under us. 

The cause of burnout is the accumulation of many “stress cycles” built up on top of one another over time. The key intervention for burnout is to separate the stressors (events, conditions, etc. that cause stress) from the stress itself (the internal experience of those stressors in your body).  

What is most critical is to clear out the internal stress as it occurs (or when we can after it occurs) and before it accumulates into a pile up, adding up to what we experience as burnout. 

What I think is most helpful here is the clear distinction between the stressors that are outside us (which we often can’t control, e.g. an overwhelming to-do list, a colicky baby, an ego-driven boss, a canceled holiday) and the stress experience in our bodies that we do have an ability to affect. 

Understanding how much agency we have to complete the stress cycles of our every day by taking control over stress buildup is like a superpower. This is hugely helpful because it wisely reframes the goal: rather than avoiding stress or trying to create a stress-free life out there (impossible)  the goal is to manage stress well in here in order to be able to meet life as it is. 

So how to do it? Completing the stress cycle requires sending a signal to your brain that you are safe and the “threat” of the stressor is neutralized. Since stress accumulates daily for most of us, each of us needs to process the stress through each day to avoid a pile-up. The only way to do this is through your body - and there are five core ways to hit reset and complete the cycle:

1. Move (exercise, dance, etc. - the most efficient way to physically clear it out), 

2. Breathe (this can be a few belly breaths, formal mindful breathing, or simply remembering to breathe) 

3. Connect (talk or physical touch with a loved on OR a friendly chat with the barista will do it) 

4. Cry (nature’s brilliant way to literally wash away the toxins)

5. Create (harness a different part of your brain to be generative) 

While these basics on how to manage stress aren’t exactly breaking news, what’s life changing to me is how profoundly these micro-practices can impact our longer-term ok-ness and sense of control while we feel depleted. 

Tackling burnout as a larger state when much of our context is not within our control (read: global pandemic) is overwhelming; jumping on my bike for 20 minutes to move stress out of my body before dinner is more approachable, and something I can do - even when I’m at the edge. 

The goal, of course, isn’t to have a life that is stressor-free. The learning, richness, and jumping in with both feet of life involves, by design, stretching into situations that are bigger than we can handle, which will create stress. This is also, of course, where aliveness and growth come from. And to be ready, capable, and open to meeting what life serves up we have to create internal readiness as best we can. Completing stress cycles on a daily basis gives us a shot at being ready for all the stressors - some positive and some out of our control - and gives us back our wellbeing. 

Knowing that about stress cycles has transformed the way I’m going through this quarantine. It has gotten me in the habit of thinking “what is my next, small step?”  in the moment, knowing that these cumulative interventions will be potent for my overall ok-ness. I have concrete tools to help against the depletion, exhaustion, blurs-day quality of all of it, in very specific and actionable ways. 

I’m curious how you’ve been managing the smaller nuggets of overwhelm that lead to the larger experience of burnout? What has worked for you during this past year, and what are your strategies as we head into 2021? 

In the meantime, sending much love and wishes for small victories! 

The Deeper Dive 

 P.S. For more on the topic of burnout and completing the stress cycle - listen to the awesome podcast interview with Brene Brown and the Nagosaki sisters. These über practical steps are supported by more complex and in-depth research on brain growth and stress that I’ve been following for years (check out here to start on neuroplasticity research). 

I’d love to hear what practices and habits work for you to complete your own stress cycles. Pass this onto someone who needs some love and a boost right now managing the stress of the world! 

P.P.S. We’ll dive deeper into this and other actionable research gems to craft a strategic self-care plan that supports all you are up to in life in the Becoming Blueprint program  starting next month. If this work calls to you, check out the program. We would love to have your energy and voice in the mix as we dive into this with other women from around the globe. 

“Our quality of being determines our quality of doing” 

- Thich Nhat Hanh – The Art of Living